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Pain, pain, go away…and never come again, and writing when it hurts

May 7, 2014

Another migraine today. In so much pain, I’m actually thinking of going for a shot. Thinking about it only because they don’t really help much. In the past, when I’ve had one, I could at least go to sleep for a few hours and when I awoke the pounding pain and eye issues had diminished enough to allow me to enjoy some activity. The last few times, though, I did not get the refreshing sleep, although the pain was at least tolerable.

Writing now a) because I need a distraction; b) I hate wasting my life; c) my headache is depressing me and I’m going down mental roads that only reinforce this depressive, deep thinking, and d) I want to be able to say I did something today, no matter how small. Sigh.

One thought that has taken hold was triggered by this pearl I read on a blog I really enjoy, “The Daily Post”: “The best thing you can do to build a relationship is engage.” The road it took me down was my life since Richard’s death and my attendant withdrawal from nearly everybody. I’m taking another writing course, and my short story submission was critiqued last night. I was nearly overwhelmed as I heard it being read and the wonderful responses people were making during the reading. Before the reading, I was thinking of asking the instructor to withhold sharing it because I’d decided it was not worth having written and no one would see anything in it worth having spent their time reading it. As they critiqued it and shared their thoughts and suggestions, I was both pleasantly surprised that they liked it. However, I was having trouble accepting their accolades, and couldn’t understand what was going on within me. It dawned on me that I do not share regularly or easily nor engage much. I mostly “help” and get others to share and talk about their lives.

So, as I struggle with the pain in my head from the migraine, I wander down the road to seeking ways to be more engaging, at least with relationships and friendships I value. Still need to deal with this migraine, but am looking forward to better days ahead! Wish me bonne chance!

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